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| Identity Theft in the Family |
Identity theft is becoming a pretty common crime in the U.S. It’s not just strangers going through your trash to learn your personal information and get credit cards in your name. It’s your loser friend who gives your name when he’s arrested, or your ex-husband who uses your name to buy stuff on the internet (or to sell bogus stuff that gets returned and then charged back to you). Reports from the Federal Trade Commission from 2004 say that only five percent of identity theft is within families. I suspect that number may be higher now. There are scary stories on the internet about parents running up debts in their kids’ names. And I thought abusing the ex-wife was bad!
During our marriage my husband used my money and credit to finance his business, or rather our family business, which he worked at while I raised babies. I did my share of working for it too.
When I asked for a divorce, he stayed home to torment me full-time and let the business fail, stiffing lots of vendors for lots of money.
I had to declare bankruptcy when we got divorced. He didn’t. Our two cars were in my name; we turned them in and I got an economy car and he got a new Porsche.
Since the divorce my husband has continued to threaten me financially. If I wouldn’t let him stay at my house sometimes he wouldn’t pay child support. Things like that. When he finally was arrested for embezzlement/fraud and all of his assets were seized, he told me that in order to make any money before he went to prison (it took a long time - first he was under investigation, then he pled guilty, then a wait before sentencing, then a few more months before he reported for prison) he would need to use my name and bank account in order to sell things on ebay.
Ok, you’re thinking, she must be crazy to give him that information. But what is a person to do who is trying to raise two kids on very little funds? I was duly alarmed, but I did it anyway, trying constantly to get information from him about what he was doing, and he did occasionally sell things and give us money. I believed that he wanted to do what he could for his kids. But I know you must know how fraught I felt about the whole thing.
Well, I was right to be alarmed. I still get regular reminders of the ex-husband through collection notices from various agencies, in my name and in my children’s names, if you can believe. I got one in my twelve-year-old daughter’s name yesterday for $37. I got a scary one a couple of weeks ago in my name for nearly $1,500.
Now I have a new employer, an actual paying freelance gig, who wants to pay me using Paypal. I felt dread even contemplating pursuing this. When I tried to get into my Paypal account my password, phone number and everything were all messed up. I summoned up the courage to call Paypal and they told me that I was permanently barred from using their service. Permanently. The ex had apparently tied my name and account to all sorts of fictitious accounts. And he owes money on these accounts.
I asked Paypal whether it would help my situation if I filed a police report; the answer was yes. It’s a case of identity theft, sort of. I had given him permission to use my name, but then he used it in ways that I hadn’t given him permission for. I do want to say, so you won’t think I’m a total idiot, that it didn’t take me long to stop cooperating with him and ask him to stop using my name. I stopped responding to his requests for me to reinstate the Paypal accounts, when the Paypal accounts kept needing to be reinstated. This was a major clue for me that things weren’t kosher. But I guess I was too late. The ex has probably destroyed my credit again as well.
So file the police report I did, but the collection agencies are still harassing me. And they are so pleasant and charming . . . NOT! They assume I’m the dirt bag, despite the police report, which they have. Plus, they are clearly not the most intelligent people on earth. If they get you on the phone, part of the process is that they want to berate you for a while. You must listen to the berating before you can actually exchange any relevant information, such as the fact that there is a man (a friend of the ex) who called them a month and a half ago offering to pay the debt, a fact which they never followed up on or shared with me, and which they are for some reason angry with me about. And if you don’t submit to this arbitrary berating and doublespeak, they threaten you with credit reports.
I have had the issue of identity theft with my husband before. During our lovely divorce, he called America Online, told them he was me (my username was gender-neutral, almost), got my password, and raided my emails. My divorce lawyer spent some time (and lots of my money) investigating whether this was criminal identity theft. Nothing ever really came of it. (The husband had also thoroughly gone through my computer, finding my journals - I have always written - deleting parts that made him look bad and using parts that made me look bad as evidence. As a writer, it is devastating to lose your writings, not to mention the violation of having your private thoughts used against you.)
Although my ex has already begun his career of using our daughter’s name on the Internet. God help us when he is released from prison!
I know, I’m a fool. But what do you do when you’re facing poverty and homelessness? When you’re desperate for money and the person who is supposed to be providing it and who seems to love his kids in his own way is in trouble and says he will only be able to contribute if you cooperate? If you’re a moral person it’s hard to understand someone with no moral compass.
If I had been able to find a real full-time job with real benefits, I wouldn’t have had to continue to rely on the criminal ex. And I think my credentials and experience ought to be good enough for me to get a good job. My conclusion: single mothers of a certain age are discriminated against in the employment market. This is also a healthcare issue, since how many employers want to hire a 47-year-old woman and have to pay insurance for her and her two kids?
In the meantime, there are a lot of things I’m supposed to be doing. Working, writing articles, my internship at The Paris Review, vacuuming. I can tell you, though, that when you’re financially stressed, and when you’re being harassed by collection agencies, and bills you can’t pay are piling up and you’re worried about where you’ll go with your kids after your foreclosure, it can be very difficult to keep at it. The phone and the mailbox and the email - it’s all bad news. Now I know why people stay in bed and eat ice cream all day. |
| Author: Kathryn A. Higgins |
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